As I type this, I am in a room listening to men talk about accountability and reasons their previous relationships failed.
As I listen to them share, I am really appreciative of their reflection, honesty, vulnerability, coherence and articulation. I could tell that some of these men had done the work to get to that place of understanding the root of their persona and behavior. I could also tell that many of the issues they experienced came from a lack of self-knowledge and realization. Thus, affecting the quality of their choices.
Most of the men who shared expressed that they have become more selective and intentional about choosing a partner; looking out for specific qualities based on the improved understanding they have of themselves now.
Listening to them also re-emphasized to me the importance of single people being intentional about learning and understanding ourselves. It is one thing to go through each day and be about our business, but it takes a level of consciousness and deliberate effort to unpack our daily experiences in a way that reveals us to ourselves.
There is no better time to do this than the period before coupling up. It predisposes to choices that are better suited for us and also improves the quality of our relating.
Being single has really served me well in this regard.
For example, I have a natural analytical mind. This translates into different things, one of which is that sometimes, I tend to over-analyze. This could lead to inertia, especially where the pursuit of my goals is concerned. This lets me know what I need to look out for in my partner. So, when I interact with men, one of the qualities I am intentional about is a “goal-getter”. Someone who isn’t overtly analytical, like I am. This is quite important to me.
Knowing who you are, in terms of truly understanding your ‘who and why’ helps to identify what you really need in a partner. Especially the ‘why’ part. For me, as I began to explore my ‘whys’, it helped me dig deeper into my psyche and re-examine some of my belief systems.
Of course, an imperative element in unpacking one’s self would be personal integrity. Confronting self and being sincere with self.
Self-awareness helps you know what you need, as opposed to what you want.
To recognize who is right for you, you first have to know yourself well enough.
It is work, but it is imperative if we want to build healthy relationships and marriages.
For to be truly self-aware is to operate from an elevated state of being.
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